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Love Is Full Of Forgiveness, But Ain’t Stupid

Anyone who’s read my previous blogs knows that I am not pro-forgiveness when it comes to cheating. I’ve heard some tales of people who come back from it stronger than ever, but more of people who never recovered and lived out the rest of their relationship looking over their shoulders.

Now that’s not to say that I believe it to be easy to leave the one you love, even in the face of unfaithfulness. I can’t even imagine catching my husband cheating and having to leave. But whenever I’ve seen the secondary failure of a relationship following cheating-forgiveness I can’t help but hear the phrase “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me” running through my mind. The ability of a partner to momentarily or for a short time ignore that nagging little voice that says “You should NOT be doing this!!!” is something that I have trouble forgiving. That type of selfishness and blatant disrespect for the other person and their feelings is a sign of things to come in my mind. That being said, while it is not unlikely that a cheater will cheat again, some couples do have success in moving on following infidelity. My suggestion (again, it’s worth what you paid for it) is at a minimum to seek professional therapy. I believe that the odds of a couple making it through such a huge issue as infidelity increase dramatically with the help of a therapist as a third-party perspective can be incredibly helpful in instances such as this. Also, if you can’t find the faith, don’t. It’s not fair to you or them for you to spend the rest of your life terrified to let them out of the house unsupervised. You can’t lock him/her up in the basement until you’re free to tie them to your emotional leash and lead them around for fresh air. Likewise you can’t freak out whenever they are having a conversation with the opposite sex as long as they’re not obviously pursuing a new relationship via online dating! For me this is the reasoning behind my No-Forgiveness cheating policy. I don’t believe that I’d be capable of truly forgiving and forgetting, and I don’t want to live the remainder of my romantic-life out as a crazy, paranoid person.

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