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Is Flirting OK When You’re In A Relationship?

In my dating life my stance on flirting has evolved, changed and shape-shifted to its present form. In my teenage years it angered me if my significant other engaged in flirting with another girl. As a young adult I found that while it still irked me a little, I was able to let it slide. Finally, as a married woman, I’ve basically lost all concern for whether or not my husband flirts with another woman. So the question I pose to you today is, is flirting okay?

But of course that’s all dependent on the type and extent of the flirting, isn’t it? There are after all varying degrees. There’s harmless flirting, which I consider to be of no concern whatsoever. Then there’s shameless flirting, which can at times still be pretty harmless, but can quickly evolve into a problem, especially if you join dating sites just to meet single people to make you feel good. Shameless flirting tends to lead to shameless exploration of boundaries, which goes well beyond flirting. That degree of flirting I think should be monitored, not like a banshee, but with a keen observation. Still, I find flirting to be a little necessary for persons in a committed relationship. This should really only be of the harmless variety. I find that knowing that other people out there still find you attractive is empowering and confidence-building. Also that little feeling of danger without overstepping your bounds may keep you from feeling edgy about your commitment level and abate your curiosity for straying. But it should be nothing more than an outlet. Exercising flirting to the next level of intimacy or anything close is a slippery slope to cheating or adultery. If you find yourself regularly fantasizing about a mysterious rendezvous with your flirty friend, it may be time to give it a rest. After all, you should only be flirting with a person, not a boundary, a fantasy and certainly don’t flirt with danger. But if you can keep it innocent and keep yourself in check, I say flirt to your heart’s content.

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